Pairing Methods & Existential Styles

Two Complementary Requirements

ClosedReminder

We might wish to use all of these methods for stabilization. However, in practice, each of us finds ourselves gravitating to the regular use of one method principally. Unconsciously and consciously, we identify with it as our principal way to ensure a stable and effective existence.

We also typically identify with a second method as well, and for a good reason. Self-assertion and external confirmation complement each other, and both are needed for a satisfactory existence. That is why we unconsciously choose one stabilizing method from each diagonal set.

How do we choose?Closed Currently nobody knows. Most people are not aware that there are options. There is probably a genetic factor in play, as well as environmental factors like culture, social conventions, peer pressures, opportunity, exposure to teachings &c.

The secondary method does have a natural rationale in that mental demands are simplified if the pairing respects zonal differences. Such an arrangement requires:

•Similar degree of focus on handling mental states—horizontal pairings.
OR
•Similar degree of focus on handling others—vertical pairings.

In the TET diagram here, you can see 4 horizontal and 4 vertical pairs that correspond to the labeled axes' zones.

Styles of Existence

The use of two methods simultaneously appears to generate a style for existing. We spontaneously comport ourselves in accord with this existential style whenever we can. It is the way to feel right about ourselves, to live properly and to resist mental disruption.

Life demands many diverse responses, so this personal style does not manifest all the time. Conversely, on occasion anyone may (and often should) show characteristics reflected in the other various style names—but we do so without getting the same mental-existential benefit.

Inner Circle: Similar Focus on Mental States

Shared Low Focus: Social & Emotional-Sensitive

The Social and Emotional-sensitive methods are both located in a zone where inner experiences are altered in ways that serve the self.

Social existence involves altering personal values and goals to garner group affiliation and colleague support, for which simple association suffices.

By contrast, Emotional-sensitive existence is about altering feelings so as to avoid psychic pain and anxiety or feelings of badness due to guilt, envy, jealousy, inferiority &c. More active engagement is required to ensure others take on the required emotional roles.

Style

The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «considerate». They possess a sensitivity and, wherever possible, use it to ensure their interactions generate immediate good feelings in the other party as well as in themselves—feelings like appreciation, gratitude, likeability, respect, approval &c. This behavior smoothes association and aids engagement.

However, if power and control intrude as the way to serve self-interest, then interactions may be distorted and sensitivity may be used to deny or dump emotions. The style then changes to «manipulative».

ClosedDistinguish the Two Options

  • If the Social method is primary, your concern is to maintain sufficient inter-personal distance when associating. Your emotional sensitivity is mostly applied to steering your projects and for political purposes. You are the quintessential loyalist in your groups. You would, for example, avoid sexual affairs at work because they are liable to disrupt the group or interfere with project work.
  • If the Emotional-sensitive method is primary, then your focus will be on a greater engagement with selected individuals who can fill the emotional roles you need. You view the groups and projects in being social as a source for potential attachments and opportunities for emotional projection. That makes sexual affairs a natural temptation.

Shared High Focus:  Individual & Sensory

The Individual and Sensory methods are both located in a zone where mental states are actively sought so as to feel everything is as it should be.

Individual existence loosely associates with others in seeking to bolster self-esteem and enable personal achievement without wasting time in non-specific socializing.

By contrast, Sensory existence welcomes regular engagement with others as part of seeking positive contact and experiencing sensory pleasures while socializing in good company.

Style

The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «attractive». Both association and engagement are simultaneously enabled, so neutralizing stresses caused by too much closeness or too much distance. It is easy to gravitate toward a person who knows himself, is an achiever, and invariably interacts amiably and positively, albeit somewhat superficially. This plays into the self-interest of everyone in the network in a natural and acceptable way.

However, if power and control intrude as the way to serve self-interest, then self-presentation may be narcissistically refined and an artificiality will intrude. The style then changes to «charming» or «phoney».

ClosedDistinguish the Two Options

  • If the Individual method is primary, you keep your focus on achieving something of worth, and use networks to support this. Networks provide you with recreational gratification through their social and celebratory activities. However, you can easily move into or out of them as your circumstances and self-interest require.
  • If the Sensory method is primary, you feel more dependent on your circles of friends and find it hard to leave them behind for opportunities or necessary personal development. You use networks to enable self-discovery and to get encouragement and confirmation of success. But the wish to stay with friends and conform to the group may take precedence over your needs.

Inner Circle: Similar Focus on Others

Shared Low Focus: Social & Individual

The Social and Individual methods are both located in a zone of association with others and avoid close personal interactions and commitments.

Social existence is about alteration of mental states and that entails self-adjustment to fit values of associates in current groups.

By contrast, Individual existence uses association with others, often but not necessarily in groups, as part of a search for inner confirmation of self-worth and to win respect.

Style

The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «deliberative». Because the group wishes to use you and you wish to use the group, you must determine exactly whether and how interests align, and how group and personal values and goals interact. This requires a careful weighing of pros and cons, costs and benefits, strategy and tactics. Such a process involves both searching for and altering mental states so as to reach a personally satisfactory and socially viable resolution.

However, if power and control intrude as the way to serve self-interest, then a better descriptor for this style might be «cold and calculating».

ClosedDistinguish the Two Options

  • If the Social method is primary, you become a loyal member of chosen groups. Contributing effectively to them leads to self esteem and self-discovery. Your achievements are shaped primarily by group needs, and you take great care when entering or leaving any group. You put effort into maintaining the group's reputation and tend to accept any morally suspect activities as necessary.
  • If the Individual method is primary, you feel free to seek out and use any group to foster self-development, enable personal achievement and boost self-esteem. You are your own man and can join or leave groups rather easily. If a particular group membership is important, you are comparatively unrestrained in identifying group failings and are more inclined to criticize and press for reform.

Shared High Focus:  Emotional-Sensitive & Sensory

The Emotional-sensitive and Sensory methods are both located in a zone of engagement with others: so making connections is significant.

Emotional-sensitive existence uses personal engagements to alter mental states so as to feel balanced and deal with inner pain or negative emotions.

By contrast, Sensory existence activates engagement within a network in a search for positive input and pleasures that deal with boredom, loneliness and stresses.

Style

The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «instinctive». Inner feelings are being altered as part of a search for pleasure that is relevant and self-sustaining. Emotionality and sensitivity emerge here in a spontaneous and natural way. Interactions that provide mutual reinforcement using social conventions are also easy and natural.

However, if power and control intrude to serve self-interest, then engagement will not be a positive social event. Complicated or acrimonious relations may emerge as emotions get released or dumped without concern for others. A better descriptor then is «reactive» or even «exploitative».

Also see: the reluctant loner.

ClosedDistinguish the Two Options

  • If the Sensory method is primary, this combination encourages you to be active in your various circles. You value these because they generate warmth as well as pleasure. You are the one who openly expresses the group's feelings. You are also ready to temporarily fill emotional roles that others need. If excitement appeals to you, then you might have a phase as a party-animal who is less concerned about the effects of splashing emotions about.
  • If the Emotional-sensitive method is primary, you join social networks in order to scan them for people who can be used to provide you with specific emotional pleasures or help relieve your stressful feelings. You use your sensitivity to identify specific individuals who willingly fill emotional roles that you require e.g. 'a shoulder to cry on', 'someone to celebrate with', 'a group to go on a holiday with'. If your chosen person leaves the circle, you soon find another to take their place.

Outer Circle: Similar Focus on Mental States

In the outer circle, the methods cannot serve self-interest by using power-centred tactics like force or deception. These extreme methods demand a genuine personal commitment that confers a resistance to socially based urges.

Horizontal pairings paradoxically combine both maximum and minimum attention to others.

Shared Very Low Focus: Vital & Emotional-Empathic

The Vital and Emotional-empathic methods are both located in the zone of acceptance of mental states.

Vital existence can accept mental states because the dissociation from others means that these are unlikely to cause interpersonal or social disruption.

By contrast, Emotional-empathic existenceaccepts mental states because they are securely contained and will enable a close involvement with others without undue fears or obligations.

Style

The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «passionate». The combination of dissociation and involvement appears to lead to an intensity of thought, feeling and action which is just accepted and allowed to run its course. The Vital method is explicitly body-oriented, while emotions are also bodily states. Being biological, both release instinctual drives that generate an inner imperative. Empathy ensures a genuineness in the appreciation of mutual feelings, at least in the moment.

ClosedDistinguish the Two Options

  • If the Vital method is primary, then you seek multiple or serial intensely emotional sexual relationships. You aspire to be the Romantic Hero as popularized by Byron, who lived that way and died fighting in the Greek war of independence. You look for work environments where this is possible e.g. the fashion industry, professional dancing, gymnastics instruction. If the Emotional method is actually higher up the ellipse, then powerful work-roles may be exploited for sexual gratification.
  • If the Emotional-empathic method is primary, you will prefer team sports (e.g. football) or companionable sporting activities, especially where there is mutual dependence (e.g. tennis doubles, climbing). Solitary activities (like weight-lifting, running) will be less gratifying. Your capacity for empathy makes for good relationships, but not necessarily for enduring ones.

Shared Very High focus:  Transpersonal & Relational

The Transpersonal and Relational methods are both located in a zone where valuable and useful mental states are elusive and must be facilitated with disciplined care and effort.

Transpersonal existence uses faith to facilitate a spiritual approach to others. The inclination to benevolence towards all equally necessarily produces a dissociation.

By contrast, Relational existence is about facilitating a suitable involvement that adjusts the value assigned to others and focuses on specific individuals.

Style

The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «compassionate». Again we have the combination of dissociation and involvement, but now connected to a mastery of mental states. The spiritual perspective regards compassion as the highest and most fundamental conception of what any relationship requires. As developed in one of the better self frameworks, being compassionate in a relationship involves creative exertion, helpfulness, knowledge of the other, and much more.

Also see: the loner by choice.

ClosedDistinguish the Two Options

  • If the Transpersonal method is primary, you are liable to use your ultimate values to share experiences and communicate with others within a religious, artistic, philosophical or healing setting. You get gratification from providing help within multiple genuine relationships that arise over time.
  • If the Relational method is primary, then you are likely to develop a variety of stable close relationships. You will share beliefs in certain ultimate values or ethical matters even if you do not grasp the significance of spirituality in human life. Your more intense relationships will probably be based on the joint pursuit of a worthwhile cause based on, for example, justice, truth, or beauty.

Outer Circle:  Similar Focus on Others

The vertical pairings reveal a maximum exposure to mental states of all sorts.

Shared Very Low Focus: Vital & Transpersonal

The Transpersonal and Vital methods are both located in a zone of dissociation from others.

Vital existenceaccepts mental states of all sorts without given them undue attention because the focus is on fitness via activities and bodily functioning. This attitude is inevitably dissociated from others.

By contrast, Transpersonal existence actively facilitates the experience of ultimate values and other mental states in which spiritual forces operate. The goal here is to dissociate from mundane interactions and avoid distraction by others.

Style

The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «dedicated». Egotistic attitudes and self-interest are removed to ensure an acceptance of whatever stresses emerge and a facilitation of relevant and needed mental states. This calls for a high level of personal discipline with a refusal to be distracted or take any easy option.

ClosedDistinguish the Two Options

  • If the Transpersonal method is primary, you will use bodily techniques as the way to experience spirituality, union, bliss or divinity. Yoga is the classic choice. However, dance, tai chi, some martial arts and pilgrimages are also physical in nature. Even meditation is bodily in that the commonest form uses posture (cross-legged sitting upright) and requires a focus on breathing.
  • If the Vital method is primary, then your preferred physical activities become a pathway to the spiritual. Martial arts like kung fu and musical performance are the classic examples. However, you might prefer more solitary pursuits like mountain climbing or skiing. In all such activities, you reveal a greater commitment and deeper immersion than most people.

Shared Very High Focus:  Emotional-Empathic & Relational

The Emotional-empathic and Relational methods are both located in a zone of involvement with others.

Emotional-empathic existence actively accepts mental states of all sorts as the way to become involved with others, whoever they may be.

By contrast, Relational existencefacilitates mental states so as to enable a diverse selective involvement that is personally satisfactory.

Style

The style that characterises people who use this pair is proposed as «intimate». In all cases closeness is facilitated and strong feelings that emerge are accepted without obligations or disconnection. Sharing of confidences is natural, and may be necessary as part of work or as part of being a loyal and helpful friend.

ClosedDistinguish the Two Options

  • If the Relational method is primary, you cultivate long-standing relationships. You regard the bonds of friendship and mutuality as fundamental and do not need continuity or regularity of contact. You subordinate your empathic understanding to maintaining the relationship, and so you are judicious in regard to sharing thoughts and feelings.
  • If the Emotional-empathic method is primary, you require more continuity of contact so as to use your empathy to manage interpersonal interaction. If your thoughtful communications are rejected, you will end the relationship. You may gravitate to an occupation like social work or psychotherapy which use relationships to help people solve life problems. In academic settings, much-loved professors relate to their research students in this way. So do mentors in management who enjoy assisting the work and career of others.

ClosedClick for the complete picture:►

That completes the analysis of the PH'4-TET.

Originally posted:  24-Oct-2014. Last updated 22-Dec-2014.