Loners

Solitude & Loneliness

■ Solitude is a pleasant state of being alone with oneself.

■ Loneliness is a painful state associated with being apart from others.

A healthy person needs and seeks a degree of solitude in order to reflect and enable authentic and creative responses. No one seeks or benefits from feeling lonely.

«Introversion» has no specific correspondence to anything in this framework.
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Introversion is a popular psychological concept, currently used to refer to a primary concern and interest in one's own mental life. The archetypal artist, writer, sculptor, engineer, composer and inventor are given as examples of introverts. It is evident that real people of this sort, perhaps as distinct from imaginary archetypes, may use almost any of the stabilization methods.

People who objectively seem to spend much time on their own are sometimes referred to as «loners». There are various categories which are illuminated by the mental stabilization framework, as explained below.

Major mental illnesses: Schizophrenia, major depression and autistic disorders, lead to social withdrawal and blunting of affects. These are not considered here.

The Loner by Choice

Some people have a preference for solitude. Many people who have a Relational existence are described as 'loners' simply because they spend much time alone. However, they have a small number of close friends whose company is enjoyed and who provide mutual loyalty. These friends do not necessarily know each other well or at all. Such people are called 'loners' if they do not tolerate network existence. For them, the level of friendship and trust in networks feels too low, and the demand for frequent conventional interaction feels too draining.

It is evident that these 'loners' do not have the need for affiliation characterized by Social existence; or the need for peer respect and acceptance as typical of Individual existence. Nor do they show dependent attachment as found in Emotional existence.

In these cases, the secondary method is therefore likely to be Transpersonal, but not necessarily explicitly so. They will be oriented to allowing their own ideas to develop, and contemplating the thoughts of others.

The Forced Loner

Loneliness can be forced on someone, regardless of their preferred methods for mental stabilization. Social rejection or exclusion is commonly a function of deviance or stereotyping. Unless there is access to a community for support, the person becomes solitary and may be labeled a 'loner'.

Because we are all social animals, deliberate scapegoating and rejection is invariably unpleasant if not acutely painful. If escape or withdrawal is not possible and there is no community, reactions to such treatment can be extreme, and often violent. Children who are bullied and excluded in their class may commit suicide. Maltreated adults commonly become depressed or turn to violence.

Unwanted social isolation seems to be occurring in some Western societies in association with family fragmentation and an excessive emphasis on money as a measure of value and status. Television, games or internet trawling may be used to blunt the pain.

Only those committed to the Transpersonal method can maintain their balance at all times. They seem able to find a positive and peaceful way forward even under the most oppressive and persecutory social conditions.

The Reluctant Loner

People who have been traumatized during childhood development and left with chronic anxiety or specific inhibitions manifest Schopenhauer's 'porcupine problem'. They wish for a degree of closeness through using Sensory or Emotional-sensitive methods, but find themselves hurt or disappointed and so retreat and withdraw, only to suffer loneliness. At the extreme, a social phobia may develop. The Japanese call it: hikikomori.

Social or Individual existences often provide a solution because these lie in the association zone which is less personally demanding.

Therapists often wish to help such individuals develop meaningful relationships and become more empathic. However, this does not mean clients adopt methods in the involvement zone: it means that they become able to have at least one close and genuine relationship. If they then handle their individuality more appropriately, symptoms will recede and relationships will generally improve.

The True Loner

People may feel alienated and isolate themselves. Such genuine loners do not have access to any stabilization method except Vital existence. That means they have very little capacity to handle either their mental states or others in social settings. They lack a method that allows psychological independence in the presence of others.

The psychiatric label is usually schizoid. There may be a high intellectual capacity but it is not used to relate to others. In such personalities, emotional attachments do not occur and social participation is avoided beyond the minimum. Even superficial relationships like those found in networks are rejected.

Some deal with their aggressive fantasies by becoming hermits or recluses, living in a subsistence fashion in the wild. They are commonly misanthropic and may be termed 'lone wolves'.

Given a sufficiently supportive environment and a reflective capacity, such loners may enter into psychotherapy. True loners typically reveal self-hatred and extreme self-consciousness. There are often violent fantasies, which may play out very occasionally with tragic consequences.

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Originally posted:  15-Oct-2014. Last updated: 22-Dec-2014.