Stage-3: Individual Mode
Reminder of the strengthening process so far:
- Stage-1: Emotional sensitivity and personal grounding.
- Stage-2: Group affiliation and social grounding.
"The Self" is Created in the Individual Mode
A person can be satisfied with the sense of self that emerges in the Social Mode-μ2 (Stage-2). Society does not necessarily ask for more, even if there are occasional criticisms of a lack of principles or excessive conventionality. Doing what everyone else does is more normal than abnormal. In any group, thinking for yourself is fine so long as it does not go too far: and in Stage-2, it never will.
This inner sense of self is inherently variable. Many feel a desire to move beyond a state where their equilibrium depends upon conformity. If you seek a conception of an inner self that may either conform or not according to what makes sense personally, then something that can be called "the self" will sooner or later emerge:
- In theoretical terms, this refers to a self-concept composed of a range of self-images organized to be coherent, enduring even if not permanent, and positively valued by the person involved.
- In experiential terms, such a self is owned and trusted. It empowers and guides life choices, albeit imperfectly. It is what it is, for better or worse. Such a self is not fixed: it evolves over time and with experience.
The self that is your self is a matter for yourself, and no-one else's view counts. The bottom-line for generating a distinct self is that you are who you are at every Stage—only now, at last, there can be some consistency in your self manifestations.
Values & Assumptions
Promoting Well-Being:
Essence: An Authentic Self-Concept
In order to have an enduring self that can function and guide you regardless of circumstances, you need a conception that floats above events. A self-concept only works if a person can find opportunities to flourish , and can avoid being overwhelmed (i.e. losing yourself, experiencing trauma).
The injunction to "know your self" means developing an awareness of your tendencies, strengths and limitations in relation to personal and social functioning. The focus is therefore on authenticity via enduring personal qualities, and not on specific skills or temporary roles.
The mental work, partly or mainly unconscious, is to look within and identify patterns, principles and themes in thoughts and activities that are to be actively fostered and positively valued. Some of these will be innate or socialized and unavoidable, others will be chosen or created and disposable.
Desired Benefit: Self-Respect
The self-concept must offer itself as a genuine and viable inner state, and prove itself in practice. This leads to the development of self-respect and evokes respect from others.
The self-esteem and self-respect that flows from the repeated and consistent appropriate handling of social situations stabilizes the self-concept and creates an inner satisfaction.
Admiration, appreciation and affection are necessary to bolster self-esteem in earlier Modes. While an effective self-concept can survive their absence, a person will have a greater expectation of being treated with respect.
Means: Hold Ambitions and Ideals
Creation of the self requires interests to be converted into ambitions that create motivation, and into lifelong values that create inner convictions about worthwhile directions.
Working out the implications of ambitions and ideals requires intuition, imagination and honesty. Too large a gap between one's ideal self and one's actual capabilities is a recipe for distress and disappointment.
A trial immersion may be possible to test the waters and get confidence. Some ambitions will turn out to be not feasible and must be abandoned.
As identifications and aspirations gel into a coherent and enduring self-concept, some previous self-images (and associated relationships or activities) may need to be discarded.
Handling the Social Milieu:
Autonomy: Protect a Private Sphere
The self that is created requires a degree of privacy. That is the only basis for acknowledging, accepting and enjoying inner self-states. Some thoughts have to be kept to yourself: no one has an automatic right to know what you think or how you feel.
This inner privacy must be accompanied by an allocation of time and space which is your own and cannot be transgressed without invitation or permission. In some matters, that permission will never be given.
Participation: Foster Self-expression
While the self is naturally expressed in relation to autonomy (e.g. via ventilation in μ1, or via the persona in μ2), self-expression in this Mode becomes the way of participating in social life. The position of others is never known, and abandoning conventional or pre-scripted interactions for self-expression can be abrasive and lead to conflict. That is why it must be positively allowed and actively fostered as a group norm to be used by others as well.
The self and its potentials are mostly unconscious, and intuition-based spontaneous expression is how a person discovers their self. The flow of self-generated personal choices will generate a path in life which is not formally planned but which reveals a coherence and logic. An authentic path is never the only possible path or even the only right path: a person has many potential futures.
Self-Affirmation: Display Sincerity
A potential gap now exists between one's private individuality and one's public persona. Sincerity, that is to say dealing in earnest on any matter, closes this gap somewhat. When expressing feelings or communicating views, it is often necessary to speak from the heart.
Sincerity is the counterpoint to the hypocrisy which accompanies conformist attitudes. In social interactions, it is always necessary to smoothe over differences between people, to flatter and to tell white lies. Conventional accord that is affirmed with sincerity indicates a greater depth of feeling. Your expressed views are then what you truly think and feel, not simply what others expect you to say.
Distinguish Sincerity from Integrity and Authenticity
Sincerity is not reducible to conformity as suggested by Hegel and others. It may well involve conforming, but it remains a social state of affirming oneself genuinely in everyday life. By contrast, integrity and authenticity are about goodness and ethical choice.
Integrity is about handling specific difficult ethical choices, and maintaining positions and commitments over time. This self state comes to the fore in Stage-6.
Authenticity is about maintenance of the owned self in the face of social or environmental pressures to be otherwise. This is referred to above as part of the Essence, and it re-emerges as its own issue in Stage-5.
Channeling Your Functioning:
Self-esteem Booster: Be Self-accepting
Feeling good about your self has always been important. However, that now must be adjusted to take account of imperfections and that calls for a policy of self-acceptance.
Previously, the desire for self-respect often led to the denial or repression of shameful or guilty aspects of oneself. But no one is perfect; and excessive self-criticism, self-rejection, self-condemnation or self-flagellation is unhealthy. So, personal blemishes and weaknesses (negative self-images) now have to be confronted, accepted and integrated within the self-concept.
Often these supposed blemishes are private matters with little social impact. But sometimes they may cause harm to oneself, to others or to your own projects. In such cases, self-acceptance can allow you to organize your life to minimize their expression.
Inferiority & Superiority
Self-acceptance has nothing to do with feelings of inferiority or superiority. The self-concept has an independent reality which cannot be meaningfully measured against others. You are who you are: they are who they are. Given that, there is then an issue of managing your interactions and relationships.
Feeling inferior, perhaps following provocation, is a particularly self-destructive state. It is liable to lead to outbursts or even aggressive attacks. Feeling superior is no better: you are covertly attacking others and inviting their outbursts and retaliation. It suggests a denial of your own weaknesses and faults. Better to know yourself as well as possible and work at self-acceptance.
Limitations
The self that emerges here represents an increase in individualization with a significantly stronger sense of that self. But life buffets everyone. There are obstacles, disappointments, setbacks, and frustrations. Despite its coherence, the self has no intrinsic bolster when successes are few and far between. The only response is a retreat to privacy, repeated intense self-expression, and sincerity in efforts.
The stronger the person and the more tangible the self's qualities, the less does this life-buffeting matter. For many, however, emotions and moods accompanying repeated or sustained set-backs threaten a person's capacity to function.
The self-concept is then liable to gain a dark-colouring of failure and rejection and depressive feelings of hopelessness and helplessness may emerge. If the
existing mechanisms from Stage-1 (ventilating to a close confidante) and Stage-2 (throwing yourself into group life) cannot address this negativity, a black mood may settle. If the preferred method of mental stabilization does not provide relief, unfortunate social consequences are likely and, potentially, physical illness.
Many people are comfortable to stay at this Stage-3. If means of self-soothing are sufficient, stressful feelings can be overcome. If work and family life are sufficiently satisfying and successful, there may be no pressures to change. Individuality can intensify and solidify within the chosen self-concept, despite changes in social context and periodic volatility of emotional mood.
The self-concept will evolve safely and interactions and relationships will alter accordingly. Given effectiveness of the preferred methods of stabilization, mental health is assured and there will be personal pleasures and an interesting, if limited, social life.
Transition
Self-respect and self-esteem get rather easily dented when there is ill-health, work difficulties or family turmoil. This bruising from life pressures can become corrosive. The only solution is to find additional compensatory inputs of positivity from without. Strengthening the self in this way entails increasing the focus on handling others, i.e. moving out along the X-axis.
It is possible to get attention from a network of non-intimate friends simply by enjoying yourself in their company. You will get known in this circle and spontaneously complimented and acknowledged, so long as you play your part. The effect is to prevent or counter-balance negative frames of mind that may otherwise arise.
This means entering the Sensory Mode in Stage-4.
Ruling Out Alternative Moves
Once again, you cannot move to the outer circle (Vital-L'2, Transpersonal-L7, Relational-L'5) because, as methods, they were under personal auspices, which demands a solidified self that has not yet been created.
Remember: the focus here is on modes for individualizing, not on methods for stabilization.
Originally posted: 7-Jan-2016. Last amended: 20-Jun-2016.