Stage-4: Sensory Mode

The sense of self is bolstered when many people you know are welcoming you, smiling at you, thanking you, congratulating you, being grateful and appreciative, and interacting with you in other positive ways.

Positive recognition of this sort occurs naturally due to social conventions that hold in well-defined situations. For example, you get warmly recognized at simple events like dinner with friends, when celebrating a reunion, by joining a group attending a sports event, or at birthday parties.

At all times, this flow of unambiguous goodwill and unequivocal positive comment should occur spontaneously without your having to work hard for it or worry about it.

Those stresses and cares that deplete self-esteem can be put to one side by engaging in simple sensory pleasures. It seems that many bodily pleasures—like eating, drinking, music, engaging in sport—are best experienced in the company of established friends. When you do that you feel good.

Feeling good is what most people want most of the time, and it is most easily generated by simple sensual enjoyment. For many "feeling good" gets mixed up with "feeling right" because Pleasure-RH'L1 or Meaning-RH'L2 is their Primal Quest. These Quests reduce inner tensions and are personally soothing.

When you feel good, you most easily sustain your particular presence, and your self feels stronger. It helps you to put the past into perspective or at least to temporarily forget troubles. It also helps you view the future with its uncertainties and challenges in a calmer way.

Positive recognition occurs within your network. Your network needs to meet three requirements. It should contain many contacts rather than just a few. You must be able to easily maintain those contacts. The frequency of physical encounters must be sufficient to prevent links fading.

The self-concept is multi-dimensional and different people will resonate with its various aspects. So the network is usually partitioned into a variety of social circles. Contacts vary from close friends to occasional acquaintances, and everything in between.

Social media now facilitates the maintenance of contacts. Self-esteem rises when others click on a "like" or make simple supportive comments in response to your posts. Providing photos or videos removes the need for any intellectual effort in the interaction: it is then all sensory. However, internet life is intrinsically insufficient without periodic face-to-face encounters.

The easiest way for positivity and good feelings to flow back and forth is found in celebrations. Almost anything can be celebrated: a birthday, a wedding anniversary, joining or leaving a firm or club, a national holiday, a popular sporting event, a death, Shakespeare's birthday, the first Tuesday of the month &c.

Celebrations commonly allow informal public speeches at which only good things are said about people.

Although circles and networks are non-demanding, at least relative to family life or work, interactions require some thought. As well as applying the values of this mode with good humour, something tangible is required. Celebrations and social events cost time and money. Participation may involve sharing costs, bringing gifts or helping practically.

Gifts are usually of a conventional sort and not too grandiose: e.g. buying your round of drinks in a bar get-together; bringing wine, chocolates or flowers to a dinner party. In some cultures, the wrapping of the gift is more important than the contents.

You will become an organizer of your own celebrations. When you do so, you will create an event that flows from your particular lifestyle, personality and situation.

You may wish to celebrate a new home, or the arrival of new neighbours, or the passing of an exam, or a milestone anniversary, or simply the New Year. Exactly how you arrange your event—its cost, its timing, its features—will inevitably say much about you.

People mirror each other naturally. If you radiate positivity via encouragement, admiration, appreciation, support and similar attitudes, then others are more than likely to do the same for you. Even if they do not, their positive expression as they receive your communications will bolster you.

Sociability combined with affability and a touch of enthusiasm generates conviviality. This is not about being the life of the party but about bringing life to the party.