Kinship-centred Interaction

Basics

Some things definitely come before prosperity—like safety and survival. When crisis erupts, when governments confiscate assets, when vigilante persecutors ride out, or when war ravages the countryside, perhaps the only ones you can really count on are your family.

The family, the only place where you really belong and can feel safe, persists because it meets essential human needs and fits our genetic programming. It is not surprising that some view it as the prime source of benefit and the proper focus for social interaction. They admonish: Never forget: Blood is thicker than water! Their strictly upheld conventions include:

• Distinguish kin from outsiders
• Bond inseparably
• Be as much with your family as possible
• Look after your own
• Keep tradition
• Honour ethnic-religious roots
• Observe rites of passage
• Use emotional displays
• Gratify wishes and avoid offence

Think of individuals you know who obviously exemplify the category. In doing so, remember that it is the overall pattern that counts—not any particular interaction.

More…

Distinguish kin from others.

• Kinship ties include extended family and are paramount.
• Trust family members: suspect outsiders.
• Accept your kin whatever their qualities.

Look after your own.

• Your first and only loyalty is to your family.
• Charity begins at home: shower hospitality on family members.
• Live apart from outsiders—in a ghetto if necessary.

Bond together indissolubly.

• Use uninhibited emotional displays to activate family bonds.
• Gratify wishes and strive to reduce anxieties of family members.
• Use banishment from the family as the ultimate threat.
• Experience pride in attainments of relatives or the clan.

Strengthen the family.

• Be with your family as much as possible.
• Seek favourable marriages and foster successful children.
• Do not let work dominate family life.
• Strive to maintain your usual standard of living.

Show allegiance to all in the family network.

• Experience intense pride in member accomplishments.
• Adapt to your family and seek its security and perpetuation.
• Avoid offence or anything hurting feelings.

Preserve traditions.

• Honour ethnic and religious roots: places, rituals, heirlooms.
• Defer to age and to family customs.
• Come together to celebrate births, marriages & deaths with rituals.
  

Review

• Isn't this all too claustrophobic and inward-looking?
• Is personal development possible if you are so tradition-bound?
• Won't the avoidance of outsiders slip into paranoia?
• Aren't family demands too emotional, irrational, intense and limiting?
• What about the barely hidden racism and religious intolerance?

Interestingly, in modern times at least, criticisms of this sort often come from younger members within a family group.

Some would say that a person should explore alternative lifestyles and value systems, rather than instantly condemning and rejecting anything that is different. Engaging with diverse perspectives can even become a way of life.

• So try being Perspective-centred.

Originally posted: July 2009