Mantras of Self-control

Engaging Spheres of Your Self

Finding inner strength is needed to produce goodness in your world-as-it-is rather than as you might like it to be. However strong you are, you do not know the strength that resides within until you are tested. At that moment, if you are to maintain control of your self and your egocentricity, you need the relevant mantra.

The various mantras deal with different spheres of reality that correspond to your personal uniqueness The dyadic internal structure of each mantra is shown and explained below with other features: 

• temptations in relation to the internal structure
• release of pain and presence of fear
• effects of a deficit on yourself and on others
• the result of excess use in practice
• when to ignore the mantra.

Strength v Egotism

■ Accept Reality-R"G2⁶

Reality, most broadly conceived, is always generated, sustained or created by another person, group, social forces, customs &c. over which you have no control and often minimal understanding. The greatest difficulty is with aspects of reality seemingly unacceptable for you. «Accepting the unacceptable» poses the ever-present contrast between personal desires and comforting illusions on the one hand and impersonal reality that knows nothing of you on the other. In the large scheme of things, you must go with the flow, and that means thinking correctly about reality. As they say: It is what it is!
Features

Internal structure: This reveals that strength in handling reality depends on a necessary submission-G"1⁶ to it (g1). Strength then develops by conscientious unification-G"1⁷ with that reality (g2).

Submitting may initially seem the hard part, but its necessity makes it easier. Getting a fix on the unavoidability and details required for unification is not easy, and conscientiousness is required to get that right.

Egocentric Temptations:

• At g2: Split yourself off by complaining, feeling the victim, or getting angry, irritated and impatient. Project hopes and fears. Rail against the unfairness of it all.
• At g1: Use mental tactics (like arrogance, omnipotence, delusional ideas) to make reality feel less disturbing and even seemingly ego-supportive. Such mechanisms distort, avoid, deny, re-direct attention, and suppress relevant facts, memories and thoughts.

Effect of Deficit: You become exhausted and dismayed by continual failure. Others perceive you as unrealistic or quirky or simply blind. If you are in a joint effort and the other is aware, then conflict will surely develop. If not, it is a folie a deux.

Pain & Fear: Accepting reality is intrinsically unpleasant due to the loss of hopes and dreams, and an awareness of the impotence of your wishes. What is commonly deemed «unacceptable» generates rage and feelings of injustice because of infantile attitudes of entitlement.

Excess: While it is impossible to be too accepting, it is possible to let reality overwhelm personal motivation. This can lead to fatalism, apathy and unnecessary suffering.

Note: It's a mantra not a rule or instruction, so defy the gods. Now and then a person is trapped in a room with no doors or windows: there may be no option other than to just walk through the wall.

■ Stay the Course-R"G2⁵

Commitments of any sort are serious matters. Children know how important a promise is—but parents, politicians and others trafficking in power often don't. Contracts, vows and similar articulations of commitment are the basis of trustworthiness, ordering the future so as to create dependability and reliability insofar as is humanly possible. Oaths implicitly evoke a divine agency as a guarantor of personal integrity in regard to the matter. However, breaking promises is so tempting and common that a Hebrew proverb advises: Promise little and do much. Also see false promises in Features.
Features

Internal structure: This reveals that strength in your intentional world depends on necessary exertions-G"1⁵ to deliver on commitments that have been made (g1). Strength then develops by conscientious submission-G"1⁶ to specific commitments (g2).

Commitments often seem so easy at the time, but they always imply exertions in the future that may be physical, financial, mental or emotional. Conscientious submission is necessary because the cost and effort eventually required may turn out to be unpleasant, severe or embarrassing i.e. inviting egotistic avoidance.

Egocentric Temptations: 

• At g2: Get immediate benefit of any promise or contract, and then water down or ignore what must be delivered if it is stressful or detrimental. Expediently excuse yourself, asserting that your commitment no longer applies.
• At g1: Treat a commitment as if it is a modifiable position or plan, and then ignore or repudiate necessary implications, or perform perfunctorily. Allow yourself to be seduced off your position.

False Promises: Our natural inclination to believe explicit commitments makes promises a tool of politicians, scoundrels and swindlers of all sorts. They speak with no intention to either submit or do the agreed necessary work.
Machiavelli recognized necessity, but as a vehicle of domination, not goodness: "The promise given was a necessity of the past: the word broken is a necessity of the present."
La Rochefoucauld noted: "We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears."

Effect of Deficit: You lose out as your resources—social, emotional or tangible—are frittered away by your unsteadiness or falsity. Others lose trust: perceiving you as unreliable and untrustworthy.

Pain & Fear: Because events may evolve unpredictably, you may suffer losses or be inconvenienced. While commerce is pragmatic and can build in this possibility, adjustments are usually not appropriate in personal dealings. Until the commitment is fulfilled and past, there is always the fear that the final outcome might be better or worse than you expected, or the conditions may mean that the expense or effort is much greater.

Excess: Obsessiveness: adherence to a commitment despite severe self-neglect or harm to others.

Note: It's a mantra not a rule or instruction, so cut and run might make more sense if you have been tricked or been misled and find yourself seriously out of your depth.

■ Be of Service-R"G2⁴

In relationships, service is more than just helpfulness. It is striving to the utmost to be useful, and that means effort or work. There is effort to be sensitive to needs and to respond creatively. The marketing notion of «customer delight» or «going the extra mile» comes from anticipating and meeting needs that the receiver does not envisage being a concern of the provider. Heartfelt service that benefits another is simply more than money can buy.
Features

Internal structure: This reveals that strength in your relationships depends on necessary helpfulness-G"1⁴ (g1) focused on the various needs of the other. Strength then develops by conscientious exertion-G"1⁵to address those needs (g2).

Egocentric Temptations: 

• At g2: Take short-cuts, ignore long-term effects, generate dependency, inhibit self-reliance, avoid checking or asking questions.
• At g1: Give service as specified or as requested, without trying to be helpful. Notice help that is needed, but do not regard it as a personal concern.

Effect of Deficit: You become self-serving and inward looking, leading to social isolation. Others view you as arrogant, dominating or indifferent and will keep you at a distance or respond in kind.

Pain & Fear: An element of selflessness is required with the result that you may have to neglect your own interests and even suffer temporarily. There is usually a fear of loss and a worry about being disadvantaged or even being exploited, and ending up over-enmeshed in another's life.

Excess: Burn-out, with emotional, mental and physical exhaustion, and weakened motivation.

Note: It's a mantra not a rule or instruction, so disengage if you have become enmeshed in a barren or mutually destructive relationship.

■ Give an Account-R"G2³

Giving an account to another is fraught with hazards. Sometimes there is an issue of whether it is actually desired. A better phrasing might be «offer» rather than «give». Because of the requirement to be helpful, great care is needed in deciding what to say, how to say it, and in removing inappropriate biases. The recipient's responsibility and self-esteem require protection, and third parties might be affected as well.
Features

Internal structure: This reveals that strength in your participation and relating depends on necessarily knowing what is relevant (g1). Strength then develops by conscientious helpfulness as appropriate to the situation (g2).

The necessity to know something relevant is rather obvious. However, being confident about whether you do indeed know is easier than being confident that you can be helpful via what you know. The best you can do is be conscientious about all aspects relevant to being helpful.

Egocentric Temptations:

• At g2: Use personal expertise irrespective of whether it is applicable: when you have a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Project personal wishes and expectations into another.
• At g1: Speak up even if the necessary knowledge is lacking. Pretend to know. Advise in order to feel superior. Express prejudice and bias as part of self-assertion.

Effect of Deficit: You become disconnected from events and experience confusion. Others perceive your lack of attention as irresponsible and your lack of participation as uncaring.

Pain & Fear: It is painful to provide an account that is unwelcome for any reason. There is always the concern that it will prove mistaken; or that it will be taken too literally or used wrongly. An advisor may fear an angry response and humiliating rejection of the advice. There can be fears that the recipient may blame the reporter.

Excess: Over-complicating by giving more ideas and details than can be assimilated can confuse or undermine the recipient. In the case of advice, even if requested, interference with the recipient's autonomy and responsibility is rather easy.

Note: It's a mantra not a rule or instruction, so be ambiguous if you have to for reasons of politeness or discretion.

■ Reach the Truth-R"G2²

The truth is not simply the facts, it is also the meaning of the facts to you and others. Once sufficient clarity is achieved, the truth becomes a belief. Discovering facts and meanings is not easy, and may be impossible sometimes. Consciously investigating the truth means refusing to surrender to conventional wisdom, face-saving falsehoods, superficial deceptions and expedient hypocrisies that are usual in social groups. (This mantra differs from the usual moral focus which takes knowledge of the truth for granted, and then emphasizes virtues like honesty and truthfulness.)
Features

Internal structure: This reveals that strength in being confident about what you can believe depends on necessarily aspiring for that knowledge to be as good—accurate, precise, realistic—as possible (g1). Strength then develops by conscientiously knowing about the matter or issues under consideration (g2).

An aspiration to find beliefs that can work for you and guide your choices is necessary and natural, But beliefs often contain hopes and illusions. It takes more determination to conscientiously know that a belief has validity, and what it means in practice.

Egocentric Temptations:

• At g2: Deceive yourself; look the other way; foster illusions; do not bother to get convinced; select your evidence; refuse to analyse properly; repeat pet opinions; listen to gossip.
• At g1: Accept the conventional view; fit everything into your pet theory; avoid questioning your own beliefs; dispute the existence of personal truth; be dogmatically sceptical; prefer to feel comfortable.

Effect of Deficit: You deceive yourself or adhere to beliefs that are false or misleading. Others may be led astray.

Pain & Fear: The truth is commonly avoided or concealed because the loss of comforting illusions causes pain and distress. There may be guilt and shame; and there is often fear about consequences and how others will react. In pursuing the truth, there is also the potential to humiliate those who have lied, deceived or dissimulated.

Excess: Vigorous pursuit of the truth can go too far and become needlessly hurtful. Sometimes it is good to let sleeping dogs lie.

Note: It's a mantra not a rule or instruction, so accept ignorance about many matters: you just don't have the time or ability to know everything.

■ Do What You Love-R"G2¹

Each person experiences enjoyment in their own way, and that applies to «doing» as much as to anything else. So the first requirement is to know yourself and be clear what it is that you can do that you like doing, and what you naturally enjoy thinking about and talking about.
Features

Internal structure: This reveals that strength in your activities depends on necessarily enjoying whatever is involved in the doing (g1). Strength then develops by aspiringconscientiously for the best results (g2).

Enjoyment is naturally sought in most activities, but it is especially necessary to be strong and self-controlled in your chosen occupation. Conscientious use of aspirations keeps you focused on your preferences, on finding what is right for you, and then on producing high quality. Success and quality enhance enjoyment.

Egocentric Temptations:

• At g2: Focus on getting social approval or on what others expect or on becoming wealthy and powerful. Give way to your own insecurities and insignificance, rather than focusing on your natural inclinations, ideals and dreams.
• At g1: Ignore the need for enjoyment. Suppress your preferences. Stay frantically busy and overworked. Allow rejection to dampen enjoyment.

Effect of Deficit: You will become demoralized and feel miserable or frustrated much of the time. Pessimism or depression may emerge. Others will be disappointed with the low quality and minimal creativity in your endeavours.

Pain & Fear: In any significant activity, there is always frustration and failure, criticism and rejection: made worse when you are putting yourself on the line. There can also be fears of the slog and toil that are routine elements of any activity that you care deeply about.

Excess: There is the danger of becoming a workaholic, and neglecting your family, and possibly your health.

Note: It's a mantra not a rule or instruction, soyou will have to do what's called for in many personal and social situations.

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Summary Matrix

Group	Mantra for Strength	Pain	Effect of Weakness	Excess
R"G26	Accept Reality	Failure of hopes and dreams.	On Self:  Self-exhaustion On Others:  Conflict	Fatalism; masochism
R"G25	Stay the Course	Costs, losses or hardship.	On Self:  Loss of resources On Others:  Loss of trust	Obsessiveness
R"G24	Be of Service	Personal needs put to one side.	On Self:  Isolation On Others:  Distancing	Burn out
R"G23	Give an Account	Inability to please everyone.	On Self: Confusion On Others:  Irresponsibility	Over-complication
R"G22	Reach the Truth	Emotional reactions and need for change.	On Self:  Self-deception On Others:  Lead astray	Hurtfulness
R"G21	Do What You Love	Criticisms, rejections and failures.	On Self:  Demoralization On Others:  Disappointment	Workaholism

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• See how strength and self-control mantras correspond to distinct spheres of your personal uniqueness.

  OR

• Continue to overcoming the pain and suffering associated with self-control.

Originally posted: 13-Apr-2013