Feelings and Compatibility
Personal Relations are Complex
is a framework within the Change Domain. While relationship has been a centrepiece in this investigation, the focus in regard to has been on its nature. It therefore included informal groups and contractual relationships as well as personal and family relationships.
Social compatibility is built on , which derive from the Experience Primary Hierarchy, but now in the service of a specific purpose: to enter a relationship where compatibility is assured given who you are.
If the focus is primarily on the feelings sought and generated within relationships, then functioning within the Experience Domain becomes primary. From within that domain, intense emotional attachment can always be challenged by the question: "but is he/she right for you?" — that is to say: are you compatible over the longer term?
If the focus is on personal relationships, then the in the Experience Domain cover relevant functioning, with the Q3-Arena being particularly pertinent.
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The myth that you will find the right person who will complete you and make you happy forever is just that: a myth. Marriage (formalized or unspoken) may commence with love, passion and idealization, but it cannot remain vital on that diet if friendship and compatibility are lacking.
Love, Friendship and Marriage
is the basis for feelings sought in personal relationships.
This becomes evident in the : see provisional formulation.
Cycle-1 derives from , which reveals that attraction with feelings comes first. Cycle-2 derives from , which is where compatibility emerges to strengthen attachment, affection and friendship.
Spiral development can stop at any Stage. The progression of closeness can be recognized in the types of friend (whose functions cumulate) characteristic of each Stage.
Stage-1: Occasional friend: calls for sympathetic caring
Stage-2: Available friend: calls for physical closeness+
Stage-3: Close friend: calls for appreciative validation+
Stage-4: Best friend: calls for meaningful exchanges+
Stage-5: Constant friend: calls for created rituals+
Stage-6: Loyal friend: calls for loyal compliance+
Stage-7: True friend: calls for interpersonal meshing+
There was no pre-planning to align the present study with the above findings, which were separately investigated in 2018-19.
The Taxonomy also shows an unplanned linkage of Friendship and Compatibility via psychosocial pressures. The benefits and requirements of in a relationship from a compatibility perspective are a base of acceptability (1°) that enables well-being (2°). The nature of from an experiential perspective is the reverse: the domain base is well-being and the arena base is acceptability. See friendship dynamics.
Sexuality
Sexuality is physiological drive, and the existence of rape shows clearly that it can operate without concern for compatibility. However, healthy balanced people seek to incorporate sexuality through relationships in which compatibility plays a variable part.
In relation to individuality, sexuality is a property of , and it shows up most strongly in the . In relation to the , given an inclination and self-confidence, it becomes possible and natural in .
In relation to compatibility, self-confidence and initiative are the way to . So, given the inclination and setting, sexual activity may be a , a or even a .
Similar thinking means that sexuality in interpersonal relationships may be relevant in many other places in the compatibility framework—as part of , , , and .
Unhappy Relationships
A relationship based solely on compatibility in practical terms (i.e. money, status) will become unhappy. A relationship based solely on passion (i.e. love and sex) will become unhappy.
However, even well-developed and initially balanced relationships can become unhappy and then the possibility of breaking-up looms despite a degree of compatibility.
Often breaking up is judged unwise despite considerable unhappiness. For example:
- A platoon in enemy territory: leaving would be life-threatening and viewed as desertion.
- A rocky marriage with young children: leaving could harm the children emotionally and economically.
- Being over-worked and underpaid at a time of high unemployment: you and family would be impoverished.
- A neighbourhood community that tolerates malicious gossip: leaving would mean selling up.
A degree of compatibility exists in all the above cases, and the preferred goal would therefore be to exploit that fit rather than disconnect and go it alone.
In general human beings are social animals that need relationships to survive and thrive—but remember: no one ever promised you a rose garden.
- Back to Review.
Originally posted: 30-Sep-2026.
